A return to the hanging gardens on a visit to Mumbai has left me overwhelmed.
Maybe it is the effect of being overcome by the completely tropical sweep of the city this time of the year. The air is heavy with mixing scents of flowers, fresh cut grass and toiled mud in the garden. Moisture sits thick on every thing, especially the rich heavy rain drunk leaves all around. The flowers- periwinkles, canas, daisies, alamandas- are violently and deliriously bright. The sky also seems to be almost in touching distance, heaving with dark clouds.
I cannot but be too familiar with this place. There that clump of lantanas where I spotted my sweet sad jezebel. And there against the dazzling pink I spotted my first sliverline. And there the favorite spot of the sliverbills to congregate. And then the rich clump of pure daisies by which my beautiful rey eye hesper sat.
Many streams of spirituality warn of excess attachment. But somehow I cannot manage it. I am uncontrollably attached to all and everything around me. Its what makes me feel alive. It also makes me very vulnerable. But what is a life lived without allowing oneself to feel vulnerable, I think sometimes. So I continue to smell the flowers and cry silly tears of recognition and attachment. Continue to stand watching the night come alive through my window. And continue to feel a benevolent silent presence humming in quiet flowing energy.
3 comments:
I find that it is beauty that overwhelms me most. I cry at odd times, undone by the beauty of a phrase, a bird's song, a child's face, or a life forever changed for the better. Beauty is almost painful to me. It pierces my soul, yet I cannot live without it.
Arpita, the above comment was my initial reaction to your beautiful words. But something in your almost melancholy "recognition and attachment" struck a chord in me, and it must have played through the night while I slept. Do you ever have those moments when you are in that place between sleep and wakefulness and new (or old) ideas come to you? I think wisdom comes into my spirit during those times when my body and mind are resting. This morning, in that place, words came to me: familiar lines, and then I knew why your words resonated with me. Because there is a deeply beautiful recognition and attachment between the Creator and the created things. "I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are mine."(Psalm 50:11)
There is a longing in me to be recognized by and also to fully recognize the Creator. "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (I Corinthians 13:12)
Forgive me for intruding on your musings. I just wanted to share that the lovely scene of you in the garden keeps playing over in my mind.
Dear Rachelle,
Thank you for your thoughts. I do agree that beauty sometimes more than the experiences of extreme injustice or pain can be anguishing. I have often wondered why that is so. Maybe like you've quoted, its a recognition of infinity and the idea of being faced by it. Finding yourself for a minuscule second, eye to eye with the universe and feeling overwhelmed and humbled. Transcending a plane of human attachment to begin to see the larger connections. So much to learn, see and interpret in this world :)
Please feel free to write in.. thats the motivation behind sharing thoughts on the blog :)
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